Home at Last
by Michelle Clover
Summary: After fleeing for their lives from the Free Marches, best friends Hawke and Anders return to Ferelden together. After Hawke becomes deathly ill in the treacherous Frostback Mountains, Anders finds a temporary shelter for them to stay in while she recovers from her illness. It is in that remote and desolate place that Anders finally discovers where he should be.


Anders had barely seen the mountain path through the blinding snow. The Frostback Mountains were formidable enough in the summer, but in the harsh Ferelden winter they made survival nearly impossible. Hawke had contracted an illness a few days before which had turned into an infection of the lungs. Anders did his best to heal her, but without a fire to get her warm, Hawke would not be able to survive. She had blacked out and fallen into the snow and Anders had been carrying her for quite a while. He had no idea where they were, but he hoped that the path he found would lead them to a village or at least the home of a benevolent family who might take pity on them.

He trudged up the narrow trail, holding Hawke as close to his chest as he could in an attempt to keep her as warm as possible. Her skin was so hot that it nearly burned where his bare hands touched her back. His feet had gone numb from the snow that had packed itself within his high leather boots, but he was determined to find shelter for them or die in the trying. Melody Hawke was his best friend, his only friend in fact, and he wasn't about to let her perish.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Anders finally spotted a small group of houses just as the path began to widen. In that weather, there would normally be smoke billowing from the chimneys and lights in the windows, but the houses were darkened as if they had been abandoned long ago. Anders assumed that whomever had occupied them before must have ran from the Blight. Sadly, abandoned houses and villages were a common sight in the land, especially in the places in the mountains where the darkspawn had easier access to the surface.

Just in case he was wrong, Anders pounded loudly on the door of the closest house and called out for someone to let him in. After several minutes of receiving no answer, he turned the handle and tried to push the door open only to find it jammed. With every last ounce of strength he could muster, he kicked out his foot and forced the door to slam open. Once inside, he made one last check through the house to ensure that it was empty before laying Hawke down upon a brass bed near the fireplace. He hurriedly searched the nearby chest and found a few dusty quilts to cover Hawke. He gently removed her wet clothes down to her smalls and breastband before wrapping her up in the blankets. Once he had made her as warm and comfortable as he could, he added some kindling from the woodbox next to the hearth and used his magic to start a fire. After that, he added a couple of large, dry logs to the flames and within a few minutes, the room began to become warmer.

The blonde mage sat down next to the red-haired woman lying unconscious on the bed and put his hands just above her chest as he called forth his healing magic. The only problem was, he was so tired from the journey and from carrying Hawke for so long that he didn't have the strength to work the spell he was attempting. What he needed more than anything was rest to regenerate his mana and he knew that he would never be able to help her if he didn't sleep. He just hoped that she would understand and forgive him for what he was about to do. He quickly removed his own clothes down to his smalls, laid down next to Hawke and pulled her in close to his body. The heat radiating from her skin was almost unbearable, but Anders continued to hold on just the same, hoping that if she were made warm enough, her fever would break.

For years, Anders had dreamed of holding her against him like that, but at that moment he would have given anything if he felt he didn't have to. He had loved Hawke from afar for so long, but he was never able to tell her of his feelings because he feared for her safety and didn't want to lose her friendship. Watching her give her heart to that bastard prince slash Chantry brother nearly killed him, but he kept his mouth shut. She seemed happy and had even told him that she and Sebastian had talked about marriage after he returned to Starkhaven and took back his throne. In the end, however, when it came down to it, Hawke had chosen her friendship with Anders over her relationship with Sebastian. She refused to kill Anders when the prince demanded retribution for Grand Cleric Elthina's death. Sebastian called her every nasty name he could think of before swearing to return with an army to hunt both of them down.

Hawke had not spoken of Sebastian since. Anders had sensed how much it hurt her and tried to broach the subject once, but she refused to talk about it. All she would say is that she didn't regret the decision she made and that was the end of it. He often wondered in the following months as they ran for their lives if she was being honest with him, but he never dared to ask.

He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her shoulders before drifting off to sleep. When he finally awoke, Anders quickly realized that, even though he was sweating like a nug, Hawke's fever still hadn't broken. He shook her gently, but she would not open her eyes. At least his mana had regained its full strength and he didn't even wait to dress himself before he put his hands above her and began calling forth a healing spell.

The mage gave it everything he had and just as he thought he might lose consciousness himself from the effort, he noticed beads of perspiration forming at Hawke's brow. Her fever was finally breaking. At least that was something. He knew the infection still remained, but it wasn't as prevalent throughout her body as it had been before. That fire…that abandoned house just might have saved her life.

Anders allowed himself to fall asleep once again in order to regenerate more mana and once again, as soon as he woke, he began trying to heal her. He continued that cycle until the afternoon of the third day, when he was awoken by the sensation of someone shaking him.

"Anders" he heard her whisper in his ear. "Anders…wake up."

He opened his eyes to the most glorious sight he had ever seen. Hawke was finally awake and her skin felt cool against his own. He grinned widely. Relieved tears filled his eyes as he took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead.

"Thank the Maker" he whispered as he hugged her tight.

"Should I even ask why we're in bed together in nothing but our smalls or is the answer going to get you severely hurt?" she asked with that token arched brow that Hawke was so well known to give.

"Yes, because I make it a habit to take advantage of unconscious women who are on death's doorstep." He flashed a crooked smile. "Besides, if you had a looking glass right now you would know that my standards are way too high for the likes of you in your present state."

She scowled sardonically. "Thanks a lot, Anders. Way to kick a girl when she's down. Besides, you wouldn't exactly win any beauty contests at the moment yourself." She scratched at the two week old beard growing on his cheek. "When's the last time you shaved anyway?"

"You don't like it? I thought it made me look rather dashing."

She nodded with a smirk. "Yes, maybe if you were a dwarf. I personally think you're a little tall for anyone to believe _that_."

Anders wrinkled his nose. "Very funny. So how are you feeling?"

"A bit stiff, actually" she replied "…and dirty…and sweaty…and extremely hungry. I feel as if I hadn't eaten in days. How long was I out anyway?"

"Nearly four days."

"Four days?" she asked with disbelief. "I guess it's no wonder I feel as if I could eat a side of beef by myself." She took in the room around her. "Where are we anyway?"

Anders shook his head. "I honestly have no idea. After you lost consciousness, I carried you up a mountain trail I found. It was snowing so hard that I stopped at the first house I came to. It was empty so I brought you in to get you warm. As near as I could tell though, it looked as if this place might have been part of a village that was abandoned during the Blight."

"I don't suppose you found any food here?" she questioned hopefully.

"To be honest, I haven't actually looked. I was so worried about you that healing you was the only thing on my mind."

"So you haven't eaten either?"

The mage shrugged. "No. I guess I wasn't thinking about it. But now that you mention it, I am rather famished myself."

With that, he reached down and retrieved his trousers from the floor and pulled them on, then began a frantic search of the house to find any scrap of usable food that may have been left behind. Unfortunately, it was just as he had feared, there was none to be found. He dug through his pack and came up with the last two pieces of tack bread that he and Hawke had purchased at the last village they stopped in. He offered them both to her.

"Here, it's not much but at least it should help you get some of your strength back until we find something else."

She grabbed one piece. "We'll share. I'll take this one and you eat that one."

Anders waggled his head as he dropped the second piece in her lap. "No. You need it more than I do."

"Anders, you have to eat."

He touched her cheek and smiled. "I'll be fine. It looks as if the snow has let up enough for me to venture outside now. I'll go see if I can find anything in the village. Who knows? Maybe there are still people around nearby."

"Anders…" she began to protest.

"As your healer, I insist" he told her as he began to put on the rest of his clothes. He half expected her to argue with him anyway, but instead she simply sighed and took a bite of bread. Once he was completely dressed, he opened the door, allowing a blast of cold wind to enter. "I'll be back soon" he assured her before walking outside and shutting the cold out along with him.

Anders quickly discovered that they were, in fact, in an empty village and it was much larger than he had originally estimated. A wide path next to the house he and Hawke were occupying led uphill and to more houses and a few shops, and up the hill from that area, he discovered the village Chantry. When he entered the house of worship, though, Anders realized that he had been wrong about why there were no people inside the small town. Bones of the dead littered the floor inside the Chantry as if the people inside had been slaughtered and left to rot. Being a Grey Warden, Anders knew that it was not the darkspawn that killed them, because if it had been, the building would have been burned to the ground. Someone had entered that Chantry and killed everyone there down to the last man.

It was then that it dawned on the mage where he was. He remembered Oghren recounting the tale of how the Hero of Ferelden and her friends recovered the Urn of Sacred Ashes from a temple near a hidden village in the Frostback Mountains. Oghren told him that they had to kill everyone in the village to defend themselves. Even the children, some barely old enough to hold a weapon, were armed and attacking them. When Anders asked the commander about the events personally, the only thing she would say on the subject was that, even though she was happy they found Andraste's ashes to save Arl Eamon, it was the one mission of her journey that would haunt her for the remainder of her life.

After a long search of all the buildings in the village, the closest thing Anders found to food was an old fishing rod with a handcrafted lure attached to its line. It was starting to get dark and he knew that Hawke would need more than a couple of pieces of hard bread to sustain her, so he grabbed the rod and headed for the dock he had seen near his and Hawke's temporary home. He used his magic to burn a hole in the thick ice that had formed over the small mountain lake and prayed to the Maker that he would be able to catch enough for both of them to have supper that evening.

When he finally opened the door to the small shack, half frozen and so hungry he felt as if he might faint, he spotted Hawke wrapped in a blanket and rocking back and forth in front of a roaring fire. The cold breeze coming in through the opening ruffled her hair which caused her to turn her head. Suddenly Anders' growling stomach was the last thing on his mind as the sight of her relieved smile took his breath away.

Although he fought to keep his feelings for her under control, it was a battle he knew he could never win, especially since they fled the Vinmark Mountains together. The others had all departed one by one soon after the battle with the templars until Anders and Hawke were left alone. It was then that they decided to go back to Ferelden. Hawke hoped that they might be able to eke out a life along the border of the Kocari Wilds where she knew the templars feared to venture. She told him that it would be rough going, but between his magic and her fighting skills, they might just make it.

"I was worried that something might have happened to you" she told him. "If you weren't back by the end of the hour, I was all set to go looking for you."

Anders tossed a short rope with several small fish attached onto the nearby table. "I didn't mean to worry you. I checked the entire village but there wasn't a scrap of food to be found so I decided I needed to catch some."

Hawke chuckled as she rose to her feet and dusted off the legs of her dark wool trousers. "You never cease to surprise me, Anders. I had no idea that you knew how to fish."

The blonde man pulled a small dagger from his belt, grabbed one of the fish from the line and began stripping its scales. "Well, you remember that I wasn't sent to the Circle until I was twelve. Before that, my father took me fishing quite often when I was growing up. It was a good thing too because it was a skill that served me well all those times I ran away from the Tower."

Hawke grabbed a dagger from her own belt and began scaling the second fish. When Anders appeared surprised by her actions, she shrugged. "What? You think you're the only one whose father ever took him fishing? In fact, it was the only time my father ever spent with Carver and me. Once a week, we would get up very early in the morning, before the sun even rose, and head to the lake with our fishing poles. It didn't matter how many fish we would catch either. We could have caught a hundred and Carver and I would both insist on staying until it was nearly too dark to find our way back home."

"So your sister never went with you?"

"Only once, when she was about six. She said it was boring and smelly and refused to go anymore, which was fine by Carver and me. With Bethany being the only other mage in the family, my father spent most of his time training her. Over the years, Carver became very bitter about that fact and when he was nearly fourteen, he stopped going with us as well."

"And you never did? Become bitter, I mean."

Hawke waggled her head, causing her auburn ponytail to swish back and forth. "No, I was never bitter about it…a little jealous at times, but not bitter. I guess I always understood more than Carver did that Bethany needed a lot more of our father's time because he was the only one who was able to train her. I have to admit, though, that I found myself wishing that I had been born with magic a few times over the years. That was before I went to Kirkwall. After seeing how badly mages were treated first hand, I quickly learned how blessed I was not to have inherited my father's gift." She peered up at Anders with bright green eyes. "You know…you remind me of him in a lot of ways…my father I mean."

Anders smiled. "Your sister told me that once, not too long after I met the both of you. I'm sorry the two of you had to part company again so soon after the battle. I'm sure you miss her terribly."

She nodded. "I do…but I don't think she has quite forgiven me yet for forcing her to join the Wardens."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Anders, you did nothing to be sorry for. If you hadn't been there, Bethany would have died in that pit. Even if she never forgives me, I would rather her hate me than for her to be dead."

Silence fell between them as they continued to clean the scales from the fish Anders had caught. He noticed Hawke chewing at her bottom lip in thought. "Is something wrong?" he asked

"I was just wondering," she began. "Why didn't you and Bethany ever…you know…get together? I know she liked you a great deal and the two of you had so much in common."

Anders feigned surprise. "Me and Bethany? I guess I never thought of it. I had no idea she had those types of feelings toward me."

The words he spoke were a bald-faced lie that he only hoped Hawke wouldn't see right through. He would have had to been blind not to notice Hawke's younger sister's starry-eyed flirting, blind or a complete idiot. But that hadn't been the worst of it. About a week before they set off on the Deep Roads expedition, Bethany showed up at his clinic late one night. She had imbibed in a little too much wine earlier in the evening and threw herself at him, begging him to be her first lover. Anders tried to let her down as gently as possible, but she took off into the night weeping like a small girl just the same. The truth was, he could have never had those types of feelings for Bethany because he was already in love with her older sister. He didn't tell Bethany that, of course, because he didn't want it to come between her and Melody, but Bethany wasn't stupid. She guessed the reason for his denial of her offer right away. Anders tried to console her. He even tried denying his love for Melody, but in the end it did no good.

After that, Bethany wouldn't even glance in his direction again. He often wondered if she blamed him more than Melody for her being sent away to the Wardens. Even when she returned to aid them in the final battle, she still refused to speak to him or acknowledge his presence.

Hawke glowered at Anders suspiciously, but whatever she was thinking, she kept to herself as she wiped her forearm across the bridge of her nose. Several scales had become stuck to her nose and cheek and Anders had to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing" he shook his head with a lopsided smirk.

Her brow creased and she glanced over into a cracked mirror that was hanging on the nearby wall. Her lids narrowed as she glared at him. "Oh very funny. You could have told me you know."

"But you look so cute covered in scales. I figured you were trying to disguise yourself as a mermaid."

Hawke put down her knife and picked up a large pile of scales before flashing a wry smile at Anders. "I think that beard of yours could use a little color."

"You wouldn't dare" he challenged.

She nodded with a chuckle. "Oh…I would."

Before the mage could get away, Hawke jumped across the table and smeared the contents in her hand all over Anders' face. When she stood back and placed her hands upon her hips, he began shaking his head to get as many of the scales from his face as possible. Anders grabbed a handful of his own and grinned maliciously at her.

"You are in so much trouble now" he warned.

Hawke grinned. "Only if you can catch me magic man" she declared before taking off at a run toward the door.

Unfortunately for Hawke, her illness caused her to move a bit more slowly than her normal pace and Anders caught her by the waist just as she reached for the door. She spun around just as he was about to cover her face with fish scales and ended up with them smushed all into the hair at the back of her head. She stared at her friend in surprise for several moments before they both burst into laughter.

Fortunately for them, Hawke located some old clothes in a wardrobe in the corner and Anders used his magic to melt and heat some snow in a basin they found. Once she was all cleaned up, Hawke told Anders to take his turn at the basin while she cooked the fish he had caught. He quickly realized that the only way he was ever going to be able to remove all of the scales from his beard was to shave it off completely. By the time he was finished, not even a hint of stubble remained on his face and he felt cleaner than he had in weeks.

When he approached Hawke at the fire, she looked up and gave a low whistle of approval. "I must admit, you clean up pretty well. Almost handsome, I'd say."

"Thanks a lot" he scowled.

She rolled her eyes. "You know I'm only teasing. Anyway, I think this fish is done if you're ready to eat."

Anders rubbed a hand across his belly. "I was going to suggest you take it off the fire whether it was ready or not. I don't know about you, but I'm bloody starving."

Hawke used her newly scrubbed dagger to push two fish off the spit onto a wooden plate and handed it to him before making a plate for herself. Neither spoke a word as they wolfed down their first helping and without being asked, Hawke dished out two more fish for each of them. When they were both completely sated, Anders helped Hawke clean up the mess before they sat down next to each other in front of the fireplace.

"I don't know about you," she smiled as she patted her abdomen. "But that just might be the best meal I've ever eaten."

Anders chuckled. "It was definitely the best either of us have had in a good long while, I'd wager."

He noticed her shiver slightly as she folded her arms over her chest and he quickly retrieved the thickest quilt he could find from atop the bed. He draped it over her shoulders and took his place beside her again. After a few moments she scooted her bottom over until her shoulder was pressed into his.

"You know, this blanket is big enough for the both of us to share."

Anders arched a brow. "Are you sure?"

Hawke nodded as she threw one side of the quilt over his left shoulder and pulled his other arm over her right bicep. "Of course. Besides we can generate more heat this way."

Anders' heart quickened its pace when she nuzzled her face into his chest and he felt as if he could no longer breathe. It took several minutes of trying to calm himself before he could even speak.

"Hawke?" he finally asked.

"Hmm?"

"I realize that I probably shouldn't question it…but why did you take my side over Sebastian's?"

She snuggled up even closer to him. "Because it was the right thing to do…and because I saw something in Sebastian's eyes that day that I had never noticed before."

"What was that?"

"A terrible light of vengeance that even Justice could never have hoped to obtain. It scared me. Don't get me wrong, I could have never killed you Anders…but that…thing inside Sebastian, it caused me to not even try to reason with him."

"And why did you choose not to leave with one of the others? Why did you stay with me? You probably could have found a way to be forgiven for what happened. After all, it wasn't you that started it. Why throw your life away like that?"

He felt her head waggle against him. "I could never abandon you Anders. I had many friends in Kirkwall, but you…you are the best friend I have ever had."

He squeezed her tightly. "Thank you…for everything."

She peered up at him and slid her hand up his chest until it rested on his cheek. "There's something else."

Anders brow creased as he stared into her green eyes. "What's that?"

She chewed at her bottom lip the way she always did when she was trying to figure something out. "There's something I have wanted to tell you for a very long time, but I was afraid to say it."

"You know you can tell me anything, Hawke."

"Melody" she whispered.

"What?"

"Please…call me Melody. We have been friends for seven years and you have never once called me by my given name."

"Okay…Melody. I…I just never thought you wanted me to."

"You never asked."

"So, is that what you wanted to tell me?"

She shook her head again. "No"

She pulled away from him, leaving Anders' arms feeling emptier than they had ever felt. As she stared into the flames within the hearth, she began fiddling with a small twig that she had dropped while feeding kindling to the fire earlier. She expelled a long, slow breath from her lungs.

"There is something I need to tell you that I've been holding back from saying for years, but I just can't keep it in any longer." She sighed heavily. "At first, I didn't say anything because of the way Bethany felt about you. I just couldn't hurt her that way. I also figured that since you were both mages that you would be better for each other." Anders felt his heart leap within his chest. Was she really saying what he thought she was saying? "Then," she continued "after she was gone…you and I had become such good friends that I didn't want to ruin what we had. I guess I was afraid you might reject me. I mean…If you had rejected me, how would I have been able to face you again after telling you something like that?" She finally turned to look at him, her green eyes swimming with worried tears. "After telling you that I'm in love with you Anders. I have been from the very beginning."

Anders moved up next to her and took her face in his hands. He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs as his amber eyes searched her green ones. "Hawke…Melody…For the past seven years I have lain awake every night aching for you…longing to tell you how very much I love you."

Hawke shook her head in bewilderment. "But why didn't you ever say anything?"

"At first, I feared for your safety. Justice hadn't been a part of me for very long at that point, and I wasn't sure what would happen. Then, after years of wrestling with those feelings, I had finally made the decision to just tell you. I went to your estate that evening to let you know, but you told me that you had decided to pursue a relationship with Sebastian. With everything that I am…I just assumed it was the Maker's way of telling me that it wasn't meant to be. So I kept it to myself, but I never stopped loving you Melody…not even for a moment in all those years."

With those words, he lowered his face to hers and their lips finally touched for the first time. It was even better than Anders had ever imagined it to be. Melody Hawke loved him and that was all that mattered. For the first time since he was a child, he felt at home. For the first time in his life, he felt completely at peace.


End file.
